If you’re afraid of it, it’s exactly what you need to do.

I finally registered for Nationals.
I was procrastinating.

Training has been up and down. Little injuries make me think it’s better to rest, which actually ends up being the wrong thing for me to do. After a 13-year-old beat me up a few weeks ago, my neck got all messed up. I thought I was fine but then, yet again, last week I wasn’t able to turn my head. I flipped out a little, pulled it together, talked to one of the Krus, and finally got back on track. Saw the chiro, got a massage, booked a massage again for next week. I realize the fight is only a month away, and I’ve got to take very good care of myself.

Lately I see that training is the easy part; the hard part is in my head.

The precise reason I signed up to compete at Muay Thai Amateur Nationals was to pose a challenge to myself, to confront the unknown–the environment, my opponent, my SELF in the face of those two things -this is also the precise part that’s messing with my head.

I imagine the crowds, the ring, seeing her for the first time, the noise, my breathing, my heart rate, what might happen? How will I respond to all of this? Will I piss myself; will I rise to the occasion? Will I win? Can I win? Will I really berate myself if I lose? Ultimately, the question is, what kind of person am I?

I suppose I’m afraid to find out.

But I still want know.



P.S. The above is not me.

On a less thoughtful but EQUALLY important note:

Fight attire…

Hair has proven problematic lately. Do I get cornrows? Shave my head?

I was wondering if I should buy special occasion shorts but due to my awesome, generous, inspirational trainer this point has been taken care of. He gave me the coolest pair I’ve ever seen. Pink with orange flames, gold stitching and an emblem of an angry little skinny black cat looking thing. This is good because I won’t be able to sport my pink gloves since we have to wear association-sanctioned gear and I couldn’t possibly fight without some pink.

Milla da Killa t –shirts are soon to be in production, also, we’re thinking about

I’m a fighter
Not
A lover

Shirts as well….

-Ca Mil La